Hope Deferred...

Proverbs 13:12

New Living Translation (NLT)

¹² Hope deferred makes the heart sick,
    but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life.

deferredpast participle, past tense of de·fer (Verb)

Verb:

Put off (an action or event) to a later time; postpone. Submit humbly to (a person or a person's wishes or qualities): "he deferred to Tim's superior knowledge".

de·ferred

adjective

1.

postponed or delayed.

2.

suspended or withheld for or until a certain time or event: a deferred payment; deferred taxes.

 

 

Hope deferred: put off. When my hope is put off Jesus and placed on temporal things my heart is sick. Sick with longing for something that this world cannot offer or fulfill. Something that only my Beloved can give me. When I'm looking at gaining my fulfillment in what I do, what someone can do for me, what I think others want from me, my heart is sick. My heart longs for something other-worldly, something eternal and heavenly that I cannot attain or realize here.

 

Hope deferred: postponed. When my hope is postponed from the One who loves me, my heart longs for Him. When I'm seeking to find Him in the places that we've been together without seeking to find where He's gone to, my heart is sick. Sick with longing for Home. Sick with trying to carry the weight of figuring things out. Sick with trying to make it here without His help. 

 

Hope deferred: withheld. When my hope is withheld, by my own misunderstandings of things spoken, things not spoken, things assumed, my heart is sick. When hope is withheld because the time isn't here for the promise then my heart is sick because I must wait and my human mind and heart don't understand His timing or His delay. My heart longs for His return with all that is within me and yet my hope is deferred.

 

BUT a dream fulfilled is a tree of life...

 

There will be a day, it will come quicker than we think, it will come, it is promised, when my hope will be fulfilled. On that day my heart will soar as I get to look upon Him in all His splendor, and until that day, my heart will carry the cry of one who is heartsick for the one whom I love with all my being... 

Fairness Justice and Mercy

Thinking this morning about fairness...

And I've decided I don't want it.

I've fought for all my life to try to get my fair share. I want what is due to me. I want others to not push past me and drive around me when I'm in the lead, I want my share of what's on the table. I want my turn.

And then Holy Spirit speaks to me.

Do I really want my share?

Do I want my share of the pain, the sin, the punishment?

Or do I want Mercy?

I cannot have equality/ fairness/ justice to suit me and have His mercy as well.

In order to have mercy, I must give it.

That means that I need to let the other drive around me, push past me in the hall or line, get the thing that I was wanting, be promoted above me, take more than their share, and I get second, I get less and I get to cheer them on.

Mark 9:35
He sat down, called the twelve disciples over to him, and said, “Whoever wants to be first must take last place and be the servant of everyone else.”

Heart stuff...

Today I'm feeling the longing in my heart for more...more of Him. I also feel sadness, for my hearts desires and contentment and confirmation being sought out from others and not from Him. I woke up this morning, with fear. I had a dream last night where the confirmation of my gifting was being sought in someone's approval of me and when they finally said that I should sing because I had a beautiful voice, I could not produce a sound. My heart was not set for worshiping and my voice was empty, hollow.
At work, there is someone questioning my work. Not someone in the district, but from the home where the boys lives. My reaction was to seek confirmation from my classroom teacher and my husband. To justify myself and to try to prove that I can do this...but in truth, I know the only way I will be able to make a difference in his life is through the work of Jesus. And I keep looking for some way to break through to him and that's where the questioning comes in...

So, I'm grieving in my heart for the sins I have in placing another person's opinion of me above the way my Father sees me. I've been seeking for the approval of my husband, group leader/ mentor, teacher/ supervisor, worship leader, pastor, children, peers, everyone except from my God and Father.

I think I'm afraid He won't approve me and will send me to hell. I'm afraid that since I turned away from Him so long ago that He will reject me. I'm afraid that since I've been rejected so many times in life, that I'm not valuable or worthy of His good things.  That I don't deserve to succeed.

Luke 15:21
His son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, and I am no longer worthy of being called your son. ’


Deuteronomy 30:6
“The LORD your God will change your heart and the hearts of all your descendants, so that you will love him with all your heart and soul and so you may live!


Hosea 1:7
But I will show love to the people of Judah. I will free them from their enemies—not with weapons and armies or horses and charioteers, but by my power as the LORD their God.”


Proverbs 12:2
The LORD approves of those who are good, but he condemns those who plan wickedness


2 Timothy 2:15
[ An Approved Worker ] Work hard so you can present yourself to God and receive his approval. Be a good worker, one who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly explains the word of truth.


1 Thessalonians 2:4
For we speak as messengers approved by God to be entrusted with the Good News. Our purpose is to please God, not people. He alone examines the motives of our hearts.